That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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