I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
