can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
