So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
