Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
