there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
