How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
love makes seman taste better
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
