Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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