So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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