i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
