Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
