question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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