Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
