It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
