I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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