What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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