It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
