i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
accomplished twins. life is a go
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
