life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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