I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
