would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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