So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
