I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
