i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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