New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
