Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
