You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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