thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?