I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.