Whod you bang
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed