Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you have to choose: penises or morals?
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless