dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know