Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!