My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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