shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
