No more Irish car bombs ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
