She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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