I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
