Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ugly people sure do ruin things
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
