This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I want her autograph on my taint
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
