Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
