non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
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The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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