I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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