I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize