Joe is yelling at the trees again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
