I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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