I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
