in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?