I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
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