let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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