Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You ruined the universe
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
