I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
