eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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