Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
