Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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