Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
