Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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