He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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