Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize