I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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