i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
bring money and cleavage
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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