I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
