maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
