im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
