So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
