sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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