You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
