also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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