i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
