if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
