conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
