STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
