I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
accomplished twins. life is a go
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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