im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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