Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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