I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
