I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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