I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
