life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize