eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
